My Path to Self Love

I believe the biggest roadblock to living your most authentic, wholehearted, peaceful and joyous life is being able to accept and love your Self….

Without even realising it, dissatisfaction and loathing is a heavy weight you carry all over your body, and deep within your Soul.  It is a general feeling of dislike, or the way you reject a compliment or pass off jokes about yourself.

Eventually though, the negativity that you hold seeps into all aspects of your life and puts a huge full stop in front of you achieving true happiness.

The healthiest version of yourself: not until you feel important enough to feed & fuel yourself with the best.

The energy and vibrancy you crave: only when you prioritise movement that your body enjoys

The love and respect you yearn for: only when you first give it to yourself

All the things you desire don’t happen until you can feel worthy of receiving them.

With dislike and discontentment, you survive. 

With self love you thrive.

This cycle, this mindset, this attitude, may have been buried deep in your psyche for quite some time...perhaps decades.  But - It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way. You get to choose the story of your life.  Every single chapter.  Your past does not need to define you. Previous choices, thoughts, actions, mistakes are in the past (if you let them be). 

Now, You Know Better.  You Want Better. You Deserve Better.

I was the round kid, chubby, thighs rubbing in summer, I felt fat.  I envied the girls who wore their swimmers without covering up when they weren’t in the pool.  Playing in the yard just in swimmers!  I was so jealous.  It looked so free!  They seemed so happy!

I hated the end of the year dance concert where I had to pull all of my hair back and my face looked even rounder (fatter) especially amongst all the thin, typical ballerina bodies around me.  

I remember a neighbour calling me a hurtful name and being so disappointed because I thought they were my friend.  It made me think that the look of my body clearly did affect others in a negative way too. 

There were times, as an adult, where I was disgusted with myself looking in the mirror.  I could only see ugly and it made me so sad and angry that that was what I was given in this life.

And, I am well aware that our bodies change - constantly.

I have also experienced this self-loathing when my body morphed into being pregnant twice. Most wonderful times in my life but the body doesn’t always return to its pre-pregnant form, right?

Being a Mum and a lover of summer and swimming, I would still visit the pool but wearing board shorts covering my most hated bits (my thighs). I would still experience the envy of those mums who  would play and swim with their children - seemingly happier, free and having an easier time of life because they didn’t feel the need to cover up their bodies.

I had read plenty of positive affirmations about positive self love but they were meaningless until I could really feel it in my heart.

The moment came - I was turning 40 and had planned a tropical two weeks in Thailand with my best friend.  I made a decision to no longer cover up. I actually didn’t even pack board shorts - just two pairs of swimmers.  I had always had a desire to go on a holiday where I could spend each day in my togs, with a sarong for restaurants and cafes, laze in hammocks, on and off the beach, in and out of the pool, carefree….so I didn’t pack any board shorts.

I made a decision that enough was enough.  It wasn’t easy.  My gorgeous and dear friend of 20 years is tall, thin and beautiful (on the inside and out), but I know that she sees me and loves me for me.  So, I was in a safe environment with her, and in a foreign country.

I felt incredibly free!  Child-like!  

Every time I did not cover up my body was another step towards a lighter way of moving through life.  No longer did I feel this weight of dissatisfaction on my shoulders. The worries about my body began to dissolve slowly but the freedom I felt with this revelation was incredible. I wanted to shout from the rooftops -

Love Your Self and You Will Be Free

I’m only three years into this new way of thinking and I am regretful that it took me so long to wake up.  It’s been mostly easy because I don’t have any desire to go back to that negative, soul-draining way of thinking, and I have a daughter who I am trying to set the best example to.

Twelve months ago on our holiday to Europe, I put on weight, got a little softer around the tummy, because I was enjoying chocolate in Switzerland (yes, vegan), fresh bread in France, tapas in Spain, gelato in Italy and anything else my family was enjoying over those five weeks.

What an opportunity though - a family holiday overseas! 

With my heightened level of self worth and love, on return I got back into my regular yoga practice, walks, runs and making healthier food choices because I Love Myself and wanted to feel good, deserved to feel good, and had a choice to feel good.

My body will no doubt change again as I continue in this life and I vow to love it as molds and merges with my life experiences, but…

I choose how I want to feel. 

I choose how I let others make me feel. 

I choose to be free.