Vipassana - Like Nothing I've Experienced Before

When I signed up to sit a 10 day vipassana course I was interested in deepening my meditation practice, exploring inside my mind and having an experience that would improve my skills as a teacher.

However, overall my ‘why’ was to be a better person - to remove negative patterns, be more at peace, open myself to more joy. 

Viktor Frankl said “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.” Now I am in no way comparing vipassana with Frankl’s experience of a concentration camp yet his words had guided me in many previous situations.

This ‘why’ was something I returned to multiple times through my sit, especially within the first 1-3 days where I was looking for any excuse to escape!  My teacher/mentor’s advice was “be there on the last day” and this also helped strengthen my resolve.  The thoughts that moved like a pinball machine in my head were so plentiful that I could have filled three or four journals in just the first 72 hours!!! The suggestion my son made about dropping notes to me over the compound fence no longer seemed so ridiculous!

Vipassana is a teaching from Buddha, applicable to all humans who wish to come out of suffering (anger, fear, resentment, worry, any form of mental agitation), non sectarian & a powerful path to train the mind.  I had in fact felt like I signed up to an extremely intense training camp!!!

I was under no illusion that this would be an easy or relaxing experience.  I knew it was not a silent ‘retreat’. 

There were not going to be animal shaped towels on my bed, reading by the pool, chatting with friends, colourful drinks or new sights to see.  There were only going to be my thoughts, my personal experience and a whole lot of meditation.

I committed to leaving aside all of the meditation tools I already used (to focus, quieten & steady my mind) to receive this technique of vipassana meditation.  Rather than focusing on being present in the moment (mindfulness meditation), Vipassana goes beyond mindfulness to gain insight into the true nature of reality.

The commitment was noble silence for 10 days - 

abstaining from any form of communication,

no reading, writing, living in basic accommodation with simple meals.

The days were long, 4am until 9pm, and when not meditating in the hall or in your room, there were five free hours. Hours to either eat, shower, observe the beautiful, natural surroundings (lots of kangaroo watching) or stroll the (less than 1km) bush track.

On day 4 onwards ‘strong determination’ (adhiṭṭhāna)  is practiced, meaning not moving during one hour sits.  Not reacting to sensations that either feel pleasant or unpleasant, ultimately practicing the understanding of ‘impermanence’ (annica).

That bead of sweat running down my face will eventually end, my hip screaming at me would eventually pass, the feeling in my foot would soon return…

Everything is in a state of flow, constant change, and it’s when we become attached through aversion or craving that we experience misery.  

Throughout life we are continually seeking to move away from anything that causes us suffering and move towards experiences/sensations that feel pleasant. These, however, are both impermanent and it’s the attachment to either which causes deep mental imprints/dispositions (sankaras), resulting in unhappiness, disharmony & dis-ease.  

These mental imprints (from all previous life experiences) will either be like hard etching in stone or like a line in the sand (for most of us, hard, etched lines)

The practice of vipassana purifies the mind through the process of observation, without reaction, and in turn erasing deep, long held, mental patterns. Mental imprints becoming like a line across the surface of water.

It was on day 7, during one of the morning hour long sits, that I had such a profound moment:

“Yesterday I understood the truth,

Today I experience the truth”

….and this made the long days & hard work all worth it.

It was a very special & powerful experience to be in a hall with 60 plus other humans wishing to alleviate their own suffering, increase their compassion for themself and in turn, all other beings.

But… I was still very much looking forward to wrapping my arms around all of my family on the final day!